We're Even: My 17 Months
by ArsinoetheXXVII
Summary: Ichigo did his time. When Rukia returns to the World of the Living after the 2nd war it's her turn. Twenty months she spends with him- seventeen of which he gives her the cold shoulder. What will a strong woman do when it's her heart on the table? Song Fic. Set to J-Lo and LL's "All I have". One Shot.


Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or the songs.

AN: This is based off of J-Lo and LL's collab "All I Have." It's a song that takes me back- stumbled onto it a month ago and it popped into my head again this morning. I ended up finding the video on Youtube- what a throwback that was- so fair warning that I did use some of the videos portrayals. I had this bittersweet vision of it fitting Rukia and Ichigo- so here it is!

"Meet Me Halfway" is property of the Black Eyed Peas (only mentioned once).

Key: Song lyrics reflecting Ichigo have an "I" in front of them and naturally "R" reflects the lyrics that represent Rukia

Also this is rated "T" because there is a hint of SC- just a hint- no elaboration.

* * *

We're Even: My 17 Months

_Love is life and life is livin'_

_It's very special_

_All my love…_

The clock was silent, but she could hear the time ticking away in her heart. Time. Too much time.

Seventeen months to the day.

Hazy winter daylight winked through the large bay windows, the sun trying to break through the overcast sky. She could hear her own steady breathing in the silence- it seemed to echo. It was the emptiness echoing.

How often did she find herself alone here?

Every day she found herself counting the hours. Counting the painful heartbeats… She was starting to become numb.

_**R: **__It's such a shame but I'm leaving_

_Can't take the way you mistreated me_

_And it's crazy, but oh baby_

_Don't matter, whatever, don't faze me_

* * *

After the second war (that long hard vicious war in which they had all lost so much) the decision had been made without any words. He had needed her and she had not been there before. But this time she would be.

This time she would be near whenever he wanted her.

When she had stepped through the Senkaimon she had found him waiting for her on the other side. He smiled a bit as she met his gaze, his hands in his pockets.

She had returned the smile, her heart finally beating in a contented rhythm once more.

He drew his hand from his pocket and held out his gift to her.

The golden key caught the last of the sunlight and when he placed it in her hand it was warm.

Her initials had been engraved into it. R. K.

She had teased him that it could only stand for, "Her Royal highness princess Kuchiki."

He had snorted at this and rolled his eyes, "Idiot. There'd be more letters on it then." But he had smiled that small smile- that smile just for her and she had laughed.

Yes. That was twenty months ago.

This was the twenty-month anniversary of her good-bye to her world as she stepped into his- to _**be**_ his.

He seemed happy enough to have her. Their friendship renewed with ease. And it progressed, became more without thought- just as they knew deep down it would- always had been.

It was easy to hold his hand- he enclosed hers so warmly, so entirely she had no doubt that it was right.

When she had kissed his cheek- thanking him for the chain he gave her that Christmas- despite his flush he had loved the feeling of her petal-soft lips against his skin.

**I: **_I don't believe you wanna leave like this_

_I don't believe I just had my last real kiss_

_I do believe we'll laugh and reminisce_

_Wait a minute, don't bounce baby, let's talk about this_

He gave her a room of her own. Across the hard wood floors of the central living room and down the hall she had a room facing the street. But at night she always found herself curled up in his bed. When he felt the subtle shift of the mattress under her, eyes still closed he smiled. She would lie down beside him and listen- waiting.

After a while his breathing would even out, but before he would fully succumb to dreams he would always murmur, "Baby, don't go." His fingers would be entwined with hers then- holding tight as he drifted.

Their world- the one they had built together- was right.

But fragile.

Three months in and he stopped coming home at his normal time.

She knew he worked after his classes. She herself had a few college courses she attended. But she made it home before he did and always made sure dinner was waiting.

When they sat across from one another at the table he would look up between bites- stealing glances at her face- her mouth. And when she would catch him looking he would simply grin and shove more food into his mouth before looking down to concentrate again. That reassurance made the hours (often times the first round-sometimes the second- came out burnt or over-seasoned) toiling over the strange modern conveniences worthwhile.

Who could have guessed the Kuchiki Princess would be satisfied cooking for a man (but it was Ichigo so someone likely imagined)?

Yes for three months they had lived in a give and take world of their own. A somewhat awkward new plane of existence where they held hands and slept in the same bed, but still found themselves blushing when their breath mingled as they leaned in for a kiss.

She still beat him senseless when he acted like an idiot. And he still provoked her with nicknames that denoted her small stature. But to them- it was all bliss.

It started innocently enough. A half hour late to their routine dinners… But he started to ignore her calls when he was out.

**R: **_Well I'm bouncin' and I'm out, son_

_I gotta leave you alone_

And suddenly he would forget to pick up the things she asked for before he left in the morning.

Of course she would admonish him for it, but his excuses and apologies would be half-assed. Eventually he didn't bother to give them.

Eventually she was lucky he would acknowledge her presence at all. Breezing in and out with barely a greeting.

But despite the sudden and unexplainable distance- she still found his hand grasping hers at night.

He still spilled the same sweet plea across the pillow, "Baby, don't go."

So she bided her time. She assumed whatever had caused this sudden distraction in him would work itself out. She knew how to be patient with him; it was a lesson she had learned early on.

But time was not on her side. Perhaps when she was angry he would console her with placating words, but then he was out the door to meet the guys his apologies holding no weight. She tried to be understanding- he was still young after all. Who was she to demand all his time? Didn't she have a life of her own here as well?

**R: **_Cause I'm good, holding down my spot_

_And I'm good, reppin' the girls on the block_

_And I'm good; I got this thing on lock_

_So without me you'll be fine, right_

But in truth she had given up everything for him. And suddenly _**he**_ was the one absent.

Was this her punishment then? Was this his payback for the seventeen months of silence between them that she had allowed?

That's how she rationalized it. For several months despite the heartache, she bore the pain with dignity- thinking it was only what she deserved. After all, it had been callous to leave him for so long without some sign of her infallible care for him.

But when the afternoon hours drifted into late nights in which she warmed his bed alone, the hurt became too much.

**R: **_The nights I waited up for you_

_Promises you made about comin' through_

_So much time you wasted_

_That's why I had to replace you_

She picked up extra classes at the college- a cooking class and an introduction to French.

Her cooking improved. Their relationship didn't. She tried French cuisine from a French cookbook. He wasn't home to try it.

More and more she fell asleep before she heard him creep in.

She said nothing. Left it alone. Resigned to the torture.

* * *

And one night when he came home (late), smelling of whiskey and cigarettes, she finally tried to get through to him.

He sprawled out on the bed.

She got up to pace.

"Ichigo."

"Hmmm?" His voice was deeper, the effect of the alcohol. His eyes were closed, his feet still planted on the floor.

"What is this? What is it that you are doing?" She had asked sternly, pacing to a halt in front of him.

"What're you talkin' bout?" His voice was gruff, but he spoke clearly enough with only the slightest slur. He simply sounded tired and… _**bored**_.

She swallowed the burst of pain, "This! The way you've been acting! It's one thing to be young- frivolous- I _**understand**_ that… But-you- you've been- inconsiderate!" Her tense shoulders had slumped slightly and she took a step closer so that she could see him better from his half lying position on the bed. "It's not like you." She said, her voice both hard and soft. She was on the edge of anger and sorrow, not sure which was stronger.

He said nothing and she thought after a few minutes had passed he had fallen asleep. With a sigh she made to leave but he was suddenly sitting up his hand around her wrist.

**I: **_It makes a cat nervous, the thought of settling down_

_Especially me, I was creepin' all over town_

She looked back at him startled- but found no words as he pulled her toward him.

One hand tangled in her hair, the other spread from one side of her jaw to her neck he whispered, "Baby, don't go."

**I: **_I thought my tender touch could lock you down_

She trembled against him, fighting with her own doubts, even as she let him kiss her.

_Wrong_. Her mind said. It was so wrong to let him touch her like this when he had been so cold to her.

But his hands were warm enough and they roamed all over her body.

"Ichigo-," Her protest was weak as he stripped her of his t-shirt. Fear and uncertainty wrestled with that part of her that simply wanted his attention, wanted his burning brown eyes to meet hers again without accusation.

She blushed and felt embarrassment tingle throughout her as his hands played over her bare skin. This was not how she had hoped to reconcile, but she let him touch her. Her lips wouldn't move- wouldn't blurt any objections or launch any allegations while his tongue and mouth danced over her.

**I: **_I knew I had you as cocky as it sounds_

Still she tried, "This isn't how-I-," Her face flushed with red heat as her last piece of clothing was ripped away and he showed no hesitation.

Her gasp echoed in the room. Nervous laughter bubbled in her throat as his tongue dipped and lapped.

**I: **_The way you used to giggle right before I put it down_

_It's better when you're angry, come here, I'll prove it now_

_Come here_

She knew he was drunk. Yet she also knew his passion for her was real. And knew he still cared because he stopped before he moved past that final threshold. She would have let him and he knew that. But he was aware enough to know that she would have regretted it- as much as he would.

As he crawled back up her body and laid his head on her chest, she felt hollow. But she let him sleep with his ear pressed to her heart.

She wondered if he knew- if he could feel the hurt inside hardening into strength.

* * *

Day by day she gathered her courage. But a soft look from him during his brief moments at home or a spontaneous peck on the cheek or forehead and doubt took hold again.

But as the weather grew cold, she realized she could no longer justify his actions.

She couldn't play the martyr anymore.

**R: **_Stop playin', you gamin'_

_I gotta leave you alone_

Rukia looked around her. This was no longer home.

"Meet Me Halfway" burst from her cellphone lying on her nightstand.

She sighed. Why now? It was just too late.

Still, she answered. She owed him that much.

"Ichigo."

"I know, I know- I'm late. But you know the guys- one game of pool turns into three and whatever. But I'm on my way-," He huffed his breath fogging in the air as he stepped out into the cold.

She took a deep breath and hesitated for a moment. Her eyes closed. She could picture the peace. She could see what used to be.

Violet eyes opened, resolve sparkling deep, "It's fine. You don't need to worry about me."

He smirked slightly. Same old Rukia. Stubborn, ignoring whatever she might really feel in favor of appearing unshakable. Ichigo tugged at the collar of his jacket, nestling the fur trim of his hood closer to his neck as he began to walk. He adjusted the wireless in his ear and then shoved his hands into his pockets seeking their warmth.

"Why do you always have to sound so careless in your replies when this happens?" A teasing smile curled his lips.

"It's a matter of pride, Ichigo."

**R: **_All my pride is all I have_

He sighed wearily, "I thought we talked about this. What's pride compared to what… we _**have**_."

**I: **_Pride is what you had, baby girl I'm what you have_

Her eyes narrowed both pain and hope reflecting, "And what is it we _**have**_?"

He paused, before saying slowly, "You know… what we've always had. It's…"

She waited.

He shook his head with a growl, "Look I can't describe it! It can't be defined and you know that!"

"What I know Ichigo is that I'm not this type of girl… I can't keep waiting…" _For your forgiveness._

She didn't need to speak the words for his heart to hear them.

He had told himself time and again that he wasn't punishing her. But the more time that passed the more he knew he was unintentionally/intentionally being vindictive.

**R: **_You'll be needin' me, but too bad_

"Baby…" The endearment slipped past his lips in a whisper, but he continued strong, "You're angry. Don't jump the gun, alright?"

**I: **_Be easy, don't make decisions when you're mad_

**R: **_The path you chose to run alone_

"Look it makes sense. You've grown up. You need to make decisions for yourself- be your own person. We're the same in that way."

**I: **_I know you're independent you can make on your own_

He chuckled softly, "That's true. But that's not what I-,"

She sighed softly, looking down as she fingered her necklace, "I just thought… Maybe being together here… We could make something…"

**R: **_Here with me you had a home_

He sighed, but couldn't find the words.

With steady hands she unclasped the necklace and took the "charm" from the chain. She dropped it amongst the tissue paper in the box in her hands. She sealed the box. Cradling the phone against her ear she rose to her feet, "Look I'm leaving you a gift under the tree… I hope it's what you want."

"Wait- Rukia… Just hold on. I'll be there soon. It's Christmas Eve. I wouldn't let you be by yourself!" He insisted, picking up his pace, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. She could just see the smug look.

**I: **_But time is of the essence why spend it alone, huh_

The dial tone buzzed in his ear. He stopped in his tracks, staring down at his phone. The snowfall created such silence around him- he could hear his heartbeat like heavy bass in his ears. He began to run.

**I: **_People make mistakes to make up, to break up_

_To wake up cold and lonely, chill, baby you know me_

_You love me, I'm like your homie_

_I promise I'm not a phony_

_Instead of beefin' come hold me_

_Don't bounce, baby, console me, come here_

As she laid the box beneath the small tree on the table by the window, her eyes lingered on the colorful lights. The lights blurred as tears filled her eyes. She bit her lip and swallowed the feeling of loss. She raised her chin and turned away.

**R: **_Ain't nothin' you can say to me that can change my mind _

_I gotta let you go now_

_And nothin' will ever be the same so just be on your way_

_Go ahead and do your thing now_

_And there's no more to explain to me you know_

_I know your game and I'm not feelin' what you do_

She hefted her packed bags.

**R: **_So I'm bouncin' and I'm out son_

_I gotta leave you alone, yeah, yeah_

The door opened.

The door closed.

Seventeen months to the day had passed in which Ichigo had turned the tables on her.

But as he gazed around- he knew he had only managed to royally fuck himself. The lesson had fallen short of the goal.

His hands locked around the little package and he stared at it for a long time.

The lid fell to the floor. One hand gripped his orange hair, threatening to pull as he looked down at the gold key sharply contrasted against the black tissue paper in the box.

His hands suddenly trembled and the whole box was pitched across the room smashing a picture frame to the floor.

He sunk to his knees.

His hands covered his head.

He whispered, "Baby, don't go."

* * *

Seventeen minutes passed.

Rukia looked up into the sky, a snowflake dissolved in the curtain of black lashes. She paused.

She thought she heard her name.

* * *

AN: This is kinda an open-ended ending if you look at it that way... But I was honestly feeling kinda moody...

If you know the song you'll know that I didn't repeat the chorus as many times as the way it unfolds with the music. A little angsty, a little bittersweet- and hopefully not too OOC… What can I say- I'm not big on holidays!

But I wish you all warmth and happiness! Take care!


End file.
